January 3rd, 2019

I’ve recently felt as though I’m making strides toward rediscovering my old self, my truest self, and my higher self.

Yea, all of them. Thinking this usually comes from pitying the possibility that I very well may have been aimlessly wandering around, lost, for the last four-five-six years under this shell of a body. Every once and a while I feel that my higher self would peek her head out to say hello, but otherwise, I’ve mostly felt that those years were lost to my ego.

It’s funny, because now that I am in New York City (one of the most indulgent cities in the world) and pursuing a performance career (seemingly gluttonous, highly invested in the external) I am being forced to regain my authenticity.

If I never left the small town, I am certain of a few things:

  • I would have lived a pretty darn happy life on the Santa Fe River in North Central Florida.
  • I would have been financially-secure.
  • I may have felt more fulfilled supporting opportunities and communities that I believe in.
  • I would have kept on keeping on listening to others’ wisdoms that are true for their own shells and paths. Because I believe in listening. I would have kept on keeping on caring so much for them and their paths that I would be walking on egg-shells around every one I came into contact with, being careful not to lose their belief in me- in the fact that no matter what, there was a safe place for them to feel supported. Because I believe in support. Soon I would have been filled to the brim with the wondrous and beautiful lives of other people, and I would have no room to really receive any of my own wisdom. I would dish it out for those who asked, but I’d never truly take it for myself. I would continue to believe that my opinion was not important enough to aid in my own decision-making, remain forever in search of all the second opinions, and lose time to “research.” The slow sacrifice: my own growth.

Needless to say, I left. So far I have only been confronted with people who want to buy into my brand; I am constantly required to dig deeper into myself, and haul the best parts of me to the surface. As painful as it is sometimes- because ironically enough, my ego likes to tell me that it might seem egotistical to promote myself- it is therapeutic in ways that I did not even know I needed. It’s as if I’ve taken myself on a little retreat, and though it doesn’t look like the ones in my dreams where I’m on the beach doing yoga every morning and reading with a glass of wine every night, it has oddly enough still forced me to get up and make time for those things. I have few people here that I connect deeply with (namely my partner and our little dog)

and it is healthy for me, for now. I think I’ll always have this duality about me- wanting to go and wanting to stay, wanting to live a simple life and wanting to answer my calling. But for the moment, I am finding balance in taking care of myself. I am utilizing my time better. In turn I feel that I’m actually working towards bigger things, with a community that doesn’t waste time on themselves, but rather encourages regular maintenance and introspection, so that they can produce real strides.

I am a work in progress, but I am so grateful.

Advertisements

Finding Content.

When I can’t be satisfied because it seems that the freelance world is not yet ready for me, and I’ve exhausted myself looking at job board after job board, I find contentment in the simplest of things:

-meditation

-music

-humor

-a hot beverage

-writing

Reminder to self: Make time to reset. Practice gratitude. Everything will be okay.

DSC_0032

#ThrowbackThursday – Zanzibar, Tanzania

735169_10200322744294717_1699245122_n

That’s me at 19 in the center, with the black dress and room key hanging from my neck. I believe my friends and I had just finished competing in a one-legged-squat-balance; that’s why we’re all sandy.

Just kidding we were living our best beach lives on that island. We were always sandy.

Today, the Facebook memories app/page reminded me of this moment six years ago. Pictured here are some my dearest friends- friends that I don’t get to see often, and rarely speak to, but they remain to be some of the most special people I’ve ever met. This was one of our first nights together. Some of them had already been traveling for weeks when my travel partner (Rachel, the fearless one striking that pose in the back) joined them, and traveled with most of them for several more weeks.

We were traveling down through East Africa. We were a small group on our overland truck, and we loved it – two Americans, FIVE Aussies, and a sweet German. I have no other reason for creating this blog post but for pure admiration and reflection on this important time in my life. Traveling is one of the best things you can do for yourself – not because of all the adventures that await you and all the indulgence you get to experience, but for who you start to recreate, or rediscover, within yourself when you return. So much love for these people and everything they helped me understand about myself.

Mantra for Restlessness or Anxiety

moiI can do anything I set my mind to. •
I am powerful and use power wisely. •
I have a good sense of humor and laugh often.. •
😉😊🤸‍♀️
This is the mantra I’ve been encouraging some of my students with, and because I try to practice what I preach, I’ve been setting intention on it myself. It’s a mantra for your Manipura Chakra (between your navel and solar plexus) or the one that gets filled with butterflies 😉 When you’re nervous, pay attention to your nervous system and what fires are going off in all the different parts of your body. Are your hands sweating? Is your throat constricting? Are you breathing heavy? There’s an exercise to cure just about any emotion if you’re willing to sit in it. And when you sit with your feelings, and ask why with LOVE for your surroundings rather than FEAR, change seems so much more reachable.
#travelbound

#gainesville 🐊 ➡️

#australia🌅 ➡️

#nyc 🏙️

LIGHTEN UP

This is a post made a while back by my dear friend, Nellie Lauth. She is an author, a guide, and certainly a light even on the BEST of days. I’m so grateful for her. She shares not only her own heart-felt words of wisdom, but those of others who have inspired her. She is a traveler, a lover, and a peace-maker. Click the link below to connect with her further- you’ll be so happy you did.

via LIGHTEN UP

Click the link above point up to see the original post!